Some Communication is Just Plain Stupid
Sometimes we just need to “listen.” We say things to fill up uncomfortable space, and at times it is just plain stupid! Quiet still presence with eye contact and warmth can mean so much more than words that are inappropriate. An example of this might be, “It is time to start the healing process now” while still at the deathbed of a loved one.
There are countless examples that illustrate some of the many stupid things we say. May we all work on just BEING, LISTENING, AND REFLECTING on what others say and feel, instead of having to fix or judge or avoid what they are truly experiencing. Sometimes our best communication is not with our words but rather with our love.
Living Really Real ... Bloopers
No need to say much about this episode. Here are some of our bloopers.
Communication, Communication, Communication!
We have not been communicating well ... we were sick, and sick of being sick, and WE DID NOT COMMUNICATE WITH YOU! Sorry. This blog is about saying what you need to say when you need to say it. We should have told you that we just didn’t feel like doing our blog because we just didn’t feel good! Instead, we took a hiatus and said nothing. Here’s to following through with the people you care about... even when you don’t feel like it!
Only YOU know what Living Real means for YOU
Living Real seems like a very simple message to convey. However, we have found that as simple as this message is, it is not always clear about what it means . The core of this is that what it means may be different for each of us, and that what we personally need and want is authentically our own. Often times, we just need to get in touch with it and honor it!
We're Back
Hello again! We're back! We know it has been a long time since we've posted anything. A job shift and the business of the holidays didn't help, but we have both decided how important this is to us and we are committing to posting at least once a week. We hope you enjoy!
All Feelings Are OK
All feelings are OK. It is what you do with them that matters. We don’t get to control our feelings, they just are. We can be angry and sad, even when it does not seem right. It doesn’t mean our feelings are wrong. Feelings are not facts, but they are real. We need to learn from them, learn to respond to them learn to respect them. They are meaningful to our lives.
For example, you might be angry and sad at your adult child for not calling you as much as you want. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way, AND it is not wrong for your child to not call home as much as you want him/her to. You may, possibly even should, share your feelings with your child. But you do so for yourself. It does not mean that your child must do anything different. Hopefully what will transpire is an understanding of your feelings. This is much better than dumping or being harsh or provoking guilt. It means saying, “I miss you. I’m sad and also angry that you choose not to call home more than you do.” When you say this, you start Living Real.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Life is hard enough... BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!!!
Communication Part 2
We have been 'communicating' with each other about our last blog and thought that we can never communicate too much about communication. So here is another video about different aspects of communication. One of the things that we all do is think about what we think other people want to hear or how we are going to be perceived, rather than just saying what it is we are thinking and feeling at the moment. Our experience is that when we communicate our immediate thoughts and feelings with others a more real dialogue emerges.
Communicate Honestly
If this were a real estate blog we'd be saying "Location, Location, Location." To Live Real we are saying, "Communication, Communication, Communication." You can never communicate too much...AND communicating honestly is a skill that everyone can learn to help open doors and pave the way for real understanding.
In our work, we see the following type of transaction often:
A man comes in and sadly reports that it hurts him deeply that his wife just doesn't listen to him. He then proceeds to ask what he should say to her. Of course the answer is...exactly that! He should say to her that it hurts him when she doesn't listen to him. It's honest, it's communicating and it's real. We hope this video helps us all learn to communicate more honestly and Live more Real!
Conspiracy Against Sadness
There is a conspiracy against sadness. It shows itself all the time. Unfortunately, part of life is going to be sad. If you love, then you will hurt. There is no way around this.
It has been our experience that many people are very uncomfortable when they see others who are sad. Even more so when they care for that person. Two things happen. Either you try to cheer the person up in the name of taking away their sadness or you distance yourself from them because you feel helpless and their sadness makes you uncomfortable.
Di once wrote an article for a local women's magazine on the topic of how to be with friends who are hurting. She used words like empathize, listen and be present with them. The editors, unknown to Di, rewrote her article to essentially read, "Don't wine too much or your friends won't want you around." The editors were so uncomfortable with sadness and projected that onto their readers that they could not even imagine sitting with a friend and letting them be Real.
We believe that sadness as it relates to Living Real means being able to sit with someone who is hurting, knowing you cannot take away their pain, but share in it instead. The pain is Real, so Live it. When you can share in other's pain and share your own, you have made a great leap toward Living Real.
Peace.
